This year is going to be all about turning expectations on their head. To that end, you resolve to rock your active wear only at after-5 parties and events – yep, even the formal ones. You’ll save your cocktail dresses and ball gowns to do your morning coffee runs and yoga classes. I mean, hasn’t time lost all meaning in the last three years anyway?

Choose your outfits based solely to match the decor you’ll be wearing them in. That way, you can literally blend into your surroundings, which means you can amuse yourself by listening in to conversations and spooking people by suddenly materialising out of the wallpaper like some sort of very well-dressed ghost.

You’re really hungry to change up your look this year. In fact, you’re just hungry. Kill two birds with one stone by accessorising your outfits entirely with food. Need a purse? Hollow out a loaf of bread. Could your outfit do with a hat? Plonk a pie on your head. It’s not only fashion-forward, it’s totally practical – and delicious.

For the fifth year running, you decide that black really IS the new black. But could this be the year to take your obsession with the world’s easiest style colour to whole new levels? Not only could your whole wardrobe be monochromatic, your whole life could be. Yep, 2022 is the time to embrace milkless coffee, squid ink pasta, black cats and so much eyeliner you should probably buy stocks in it. Who cares if everyone around you starts to wonder if you are actually a vampire?