Plastic Fantastic Volume 2: The Candy Issue Horoscopes

What sweet surprises do the stars have in store for you? It’s time to find out…

Aries

You will be perusing your favourite thrift shop when something unusual catches your eye – a doll dressed in the most exquisite pink gown you’ve ever seen. For some reason you will be compelled to buy it.

You will take the doll home and leave it in its plastic bag, forgetting about it entirely as you go about the rest of your day. The next morning you will awaken to find that the doll is no longer in the bag – it’s on the end of your bed. And it is smiling right at you.

The truly weird part? Hanging in your closet will be an exact replica of the beautiful gown the doll is wearing – only this one will be in your size.

Taurus

On one of your weekly walks through the forest, you will see a glimmer of sunlight bouncing off metal underneath a dense pile of leaves. You will sweep the leaves aside – and find that they were hiding what appears to be a small flying saucer, just big enough to fit a single person inside.

Of course, you will assume that it’s a prank, or an abandoned prop – until it suddenly lights up and smoothly lifts a couple of feet into the air. While you watch, dumbfounded, a door will flip open, revealing a comfortable-looking chair inside.

Without a second thought, you will climb inside. You’ve always been a little impulsive like that…

Gemini

It will be a chance find that leads you there. An old map, a strange compass-like object, both hidden away in the attic of your grandfather, a former explorer. And a journal of his notes, detailing the clues he uncovered to the location of a lost civilisation – a city made of gold.

You will follow the path he set out on, uncovering even more clues along the way – there were some things your grandfather missed, but having the internet will REALLY help with some of those intricate puzzles.

It will take months, but you will find it – the lost civilisation. And it will be even more incredible than you, or your grandfather, could have imagined.

Just one problem though: it’s still inhabited. And not by humans…

Cancer

Late one Friday night, you will fall asleep while playing your favourite video game – and wake up to find yourself inside it.

You will have to complete the game in record time in order to return to the real world. But although you know all the levels, all the tricks, all the moves you need to defeat the boss – one question will plague you: How many lives do you get?

Leo

While walking along the beach, a glimmer of gold in the sand will catch your eye. You will reach down, and pull out a golden ring – plain, but very solid.

You will intend to find its owner, but since it looks like it would fit your finger perfectly, you won’t be able to resist trying it on. And that’s when everything will change. Because this is not just any ring – it’s very old and very magical. And it will choose you to wield its power… 

Virgo

You’ll be leaving your favourite pizza place one night when you hear whimpering coming from a nearby alley. Curious, you will follow the sound – and find a tiny, scared little puppy that immediately bounds into your arms.

There will be no question in your mind about taking the puppy home with you. And the bond between the two of you will be so strong and immediate, you will barely be able to remember your life without him.

One evening, while you are snuggling on the couch, the puppy will suddenly sit up and clearly say “Thank you for giving me a home. I’m so happy here!”

You will, of course, think that you are dreaming, or hallucinating – but no, your puppy really can talk.

Libra

You will receive a rather curious gift for your next birthday – a small carnivorous plant. Well, you have been having a bit of a fly problem, so that’s kind of cool, you will think.

The plant really will do a good job at keeping the flies under control – and it will start to look very well-fed indeed. It will, in fact, begin to grow at an exponential rate. Within a couple of weeks, it will be the size of a cat. And speaking of cats, you will realise you haven’t seen yours in a couple of days…

A couple more weeks will pass, and the plant will have become as tall as you are. And you will begin to feel like it’s more…alive, somehow. Like it’s watching you. Hungrily…

Scorpio

You will meet a tall, dark and handsome stranger…but that’s totally inconsequential to what happens next. A tale of intrigue, and espionage. A thrilling adventure. A race across the world, broken hearts along the way. And you will be at the centre of it all…

Sagittarius

One day, you will receive a parcel in the mail. You will open it to find it completely empty.

The next day, the same thing will happen again. And again, and again. Every day, for months on end: a parcel in the mail, with nothing inside. No return address, no information whatsoever that could identify the sender.

Until one day, the parcel will not be empty. You will open it up – and what you find inside will change your life forever.

Capricorn

When you leave for work one morning, you will find that your car is not on the street where you parked it. Stolen!

You will turn back to your house to call the police, but find a note and a golden key on the front door.

“I’m sorry about the car,” the note reads. “I promise you, I needed it. The whole fate of the world rests upon it. And I will never be able to return it because, well, where I am going, there is no coming back. 

“But to make it up to you, I’ve left you another mode of transportation. I think you might even find it rather superior. It likes sugar.”

The note will then direct you to a padlocked wooden crate in your backyard. There will be faint noises coming from inside. When you open the padlock, the crate will spring open – and a gleaming white pegasus will stretch its wings.

Aquarius

You will decide you need a new hobby that you can do while relaxing in front of the TV at night, and knitting seems to be a good option. You will really take to it – in fact, you will find yourself knitting compulsively, for days on end, unable to stop. 

Before you know it, you will have knitted a 10-metre-long scarf. Who on earth could even wear a scarf like that? you will wonder. Embarrassed, you will put the whole thing in the bin outside.

The next morning, there will be a knock on your door. Shocked, you will find yourself looking up at a giant, as tall as your house, sporting your incredibly long scarf around her neck. 

“I have never been able to find a scarf that fits me like this!” the giant will exclaim. “Could I possibly pay you to knit another one for me? And my friends will be quite interested too!”

You will knit another scarf for the giant – and demand for your pieces will begin to explode amongst the giant community. Before you know it, you will have a burgeoning new business on your hands.

Pisces

While walking down your street, you will be distracted by the most beautiful butterfly you’ve ever seen, fluttering majestically around you. Without even thinking about what you are doing, you will begin to follow it – because it really will seem like it is leading you somewhere.

And it will. After what seems like hours, you will find yourself in a forest glade, where everything will seem to be shimmering, rainbows will glimmer on the surface of a perfectly circular pond and – are those unicorns prancing in the trees?

Some time later, you will open your eyes to find yourself still in that same glade, only now it looks much more ordinary. You will notice, however, that the pond is surrounded by heavily perfumed flowers that you know to have psychedelic properties…