A long time ago in an ocean far far away there lived a little shark named… Timmy. Timmy loved nothing more than swimming around in the deep blue sea, eating other little fishies. When he did he would make a deep satisfied sound... “nom nom nom”.
One day Timmy was swimming, ‘nomming away’ when he met a small orphaned clown fish with a fin deformity named Emo. Timmy was sohappy because killing disabled fish made him feel like he was promoting diversity.
“No, don’t eat me!” said Emo. “I know a place you can nom all you want and never run out!”.
“Where?” asked Timmy, who by this time was wondering how he was able to pronounce words without any kind of vocalic laryngal structure.
“Amity Island!” said the clown fish. “The majority of the population there is clueless teenagers without pants!”
Timmy was intrigued and decided to swish himself over to Amity Island, and he found that it was indeed as the clown fish had described it - shark paradise! Timmy decided to stay. And so Timmy would spend the summer eating legs and torsos, without a care in the world.
But then something happened.
The word got out, and before you could say pi to 1000 decimal places, Amity Island was surrounded by hundreds of ravenous sharks, just like Timmy! One day Timmy went to the beach to nom, and discovered nothing but blood, crushed bones and bikini bottoms.
“What?!” he said to himself. “This used to be my hunting ground, now every shark and his dog is down here, and there are no more teenagers to eat! No fair.”
He sulked for a good 5 minutes after which his primitive shark brain forgot what it was sulking about.
It was about then a wise old Orca named St. Kylie the Merciless found him and told him a powerful truth:
“Timmy, all ocean predators deserve to kill teenagers and feast upon their severed limbs, should you begrudge your fellow sharks this? Be patient, young Timmy, there will always be teenagers to prey upon and perhaps in even greater abundance!"
At this, Timmy was glad, and patiently waited for more people to kill.